We are teased somewhat frequently about having kids. It is all good-natured and I want to be clear at the onset: we don’t mind. Really. This post is not supposed to be a subtle hint to stop talking about it (see Arnold’s blog entry 2/13/08 about subtlety at http://too-old-to-know-better.blogspot.com/). This post is supposed to address some of our more serious thoughts on the subject since behind teasing about issues usually seems to be a true curiosity about someone’s position.We have no problems with kids. I am not particularly comfortable around them because I was never around them growing up (my own brother is only 2 ½ years younger than me). It’s a familiarity issue, nothing more.
We can see the benefits of having children, particularly once they become adults. You not only have someone around who (hopefully) has your best interests at heart in your old age, but if all goes well you have built-in conversation and companionship. Kids can be very amusing and watching them grow up is probably a profound and moving experience. Here comes the but…
But, I honestly can’t see myself tending to the needs of a baby or toddler (and, no, I don’t want practice, thanks). I have lots of issues with the “ick” factor of everything from feeding to potty-training. I am not keen on the idea of having a being in my house that can’t do even the most basic things for itself. And I don’t want to hear any of you saying that I’ll get used to it and rise to the occasion because, frankly, you don’t know that. Taking care of rabbits is nothing like taking care of a human being and I could still fail spectacularly.
Steve and I have discussed the issue at length many times. Basically it comes down to this: we know we’ll probably have at least one kid someday (it would be a shame, after all, for the world to miss out on the continuation of our genes). But that day probably won’t come until we both decide that the part we’re not looking forward to (0-3 yrs or so… not to mention pregnancy… yikes) is worth the payoff.
By the way, that probably won’t be terribly soon, so don’t hold your breath.
6 comments:
I can barely tolerate training most 18 year olds because of their inability to think and see reason. I would most likely fail with children. I would make a better mentor than a parent.
One of the more trying times in my career was at Long Beach Community Hospital where I supervised a Director of Medical Records who was a young married woman (who I'll call Lynne)who had decided with her husband that they didn't want to have kids. We were right in the middle of having our six kids so the topic came up fairly often when we talked together. I wanted to point out all the reasons she should have a baby but I also wanted to respect her choice and let her know I really did respect her choice. I wasn't making it up. I was especially anxious that she not interpret my positive spin on having kids as subtle or unsubtle hints that she should have kids. I really felt that this was a husband and wife decision not that of a friend or supervisor.
Lynne left the hospital before I did but I did hear from her once in a while after that. Left on their own, she and her husband did decide to have children but at a time when they both felt much better about it. I was ecstatic about it but, as I said to her, I would like to think I would have been just as happy had they not chosen that route.
That's one thing I worry about. I worry that, if Steve and I decide not to have children, people won't respect that decision. I admit to being difficult... if someone says I must do something, I do just about everything I can not to. But if we sincerely decide to not have children, could those who have kids really, truly respect and be okay with that decision?
Hmm, either my first comment got lost or it was deemed inappropriate. Mostly I just wanted to add general support that no you probably shouldn't have kids if you don't want them, including all of the difficulty that comes with them. I think you two will be great parents when and if you choose, but I don't think it is necessary.
I do think that if you think you might want to have kids that you should get in some mild practice (not babysitting, but playing with the various neices and nephews at least when they are happy) but that is also something to do at your own pace. (Maybe just being around the Carmichael place at Holidays is far enough outside of your comfort zone.)
We actually get a small dose of the same. Everyone keeps thinking we'll have more children together. Part of us would each like another baby, but our hands are full, and we don't feel like anyone is missing. Besides I'd hate for the current kids to think they were any less "ours".
Lee, your earlier comment was deleted because it was annoymous. I apologize for deleting it, as I figured it was probably from a Loveridge, but I really don't want to make any exceptions to my no-annoymous-comments rule.
That makes sense. I didn't mean to make it anonymous. I must have hit the wrong button.
Post a Comment