First Mother's Day

The pictures in this post were taken by my parents in the early weeks after the boys were born.

For some, Mother's Day is a simple enough occasion... some flowers, maybe brunch, something like that. For those whose mothers have passed away, for those whose mothers are not good to them, and for those whose mothers are simply very different (or far too similar) people, Mother's Day can be a tough holiday.

I avoided setting foot outside the house today because I imagined twins would attract even more attention than usual on Mother's Day, of all days, and I didn't wish to answer the barrage of somewhat personal questions twins seem to provoke from what I assume are otherwise well mannered people. Steve made cinnamon swirl french toast and brought in some flowers from our garden. There were plans for mimosas, but as they would have just been battling with my very necessary coffee, we decided to skip that part. I stayed in my pajamas all day. It was as peaceful as life can be with two nine-month-olds.

Me, first time Mom twice over, with son Henry in lap, son Jack on couch:

For my own mother, I hope it's a day on which she feels she is appreciated... and not just for the free babysitting.

The boys nap on their Grandma pillow (Jack on left, Henry on right):

My own feelings about motherhood... aren't really crystallized yet, I guess. Even nine months after my sons' birth, I feel profoundly in shock. I've been figuring things out as I go along, as best I am able.

I hold baby Jack:

I love my boys. I hope I am a good mother to them. I hope that Mother's Day will never be a burden or forced occasion. I hope someday my adult sons will like me well enough to actually want to spend time with me... at least once in awhile. Only time will tell.

Holding baby Henry:

I suppose that last picture sums up my experience of motherhood so far. I am exhausted mentally, emotionally, and physically. Completely overwrought. Yet somehow simultaneously, these little dudes are my sunshine. I definitely consider myself in pretty rough shape and I've had a difficult time with all of this from very early on in my pregnancy. But my boys, as all children do, deserve the very best of everything... including from their mother. So I get up everyday and just try to do a bit better than the day before. Perhaps that'll earn me a macaroni necklace (or two) someday... I'd like that.