http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/dn/opinion/points/stories/DN-hymowitz_27edi.ART0.State.Edition1.378ca5b.html
http://news.filefront.com/editorial-beware-the-child-man/
I particularly enjoy the insinuation that “shopping, traveling and dining with friends” are more noble pursuits than playing Halo 3. I’m pretty sure playing Halo 3 is cheaper, for one thing, and won’t drive you into debt like filling your life with shopping and trips you can’t afford. Plus, I doubt the author has ever played Halo… maybe she’d like it. Steve does.
I googled the author and the second link was to a small biography on the Manhattan Institute’s website whose mission is “to develop and disseminate new ideas that foster greater economic choice and individual responsibility.” Conservative think tank, perhaps? Anyway… it said of her that she “examines the breakdown of marriage in the United States and how it threatens the nation's future.” OK. Now, perhaps I can’t say anything since I am married and thus not threatening our nation’s future… but, c’mon, seriously? With all the problems in our society… poverty, struggling public education, debt, war and all the many things I didn’t think of… is the real threat to our nation’s future not getting married? Somehow, intuitively, that makes no sense. If you make the argument that everything comes back to parenting (which I don’t make, but let’s say I did) I don’t see how you can devalue the job done by single parents. Nor can you hold marriage on such a pedestal as to say it’s perfect and as long as a kid has 2 parents (opposite sex, I’m sure) they are set for life.
As the wife of a gamer (who is a mature, nurturing, thoughtful man… okay, I embarrassed him enough) I have no complaints about his choice of a hobby. Sure, I’m harassed him to pay attention to me on occasion, but that would happen whether his hobby was playing games, watching football or tinkering in the garage.
Even if young men today are less mature that in the past (which I don’t agree with, but for the sake of argument) who cares? The lucky among us may live into our 90’s or more. There’s plenty of time to “grow up” whenever we so choose.
As the wife of a gamer (who is a mature, nurturing, thoughtful man… okay, I embarrassed him enough) I have no complaints about his choice of a hobby. Sure, I’m harassed him to pay attention to me on occasion, but that would happen whether his hobby was playing games, watching football or tinkering in the garage.
Even if young men today are less mature that in the past (which I don’t agree with, but for the sake of argument) who cares? The lucky among us may live into our 90’s or more. There’s plenty of time to “grow up” whenever we so choose.
12 comments:
Not that I agree with the thinktank, but I think their argument is usually that it is the dissolution of marriages, rather than the existence of confirmed bachelors (or bachelorettes) that is the problem. I've even heard hardcore greens diss divorce as being a cause of urban sprawl - each divorce leads to the formation of yet another low-density household. Funny how if you get far enough to the left you end up cheek-to-jowl with the right. Is politics a sphere? (Mzfqckaybe a hoop?)
Oops, sorry for the typo. I wasn't trying for creative cussing.
I just think that maybe that woman had "Daddy issues." I agree with you Lisa. Did she ever play Halo 3? Personally, I like Warhawk, but that's just me. Growing up in the age of Atari, Nintendo, and the like, I don't see anything wrong with being 26 (er, 25) and playing video games, male or female. If she weren't so old and cantankerous I would suggest she try playing some PS3 sometime, but I doubt those synapses still fire.
And has she read Maxim? I find the jokes hysterical and they have reviews on different gadgets that are more helpful than most. It's not just naked women, video game ads, and beer plugs.
But I digress. I could go on for days spewing about this woman, but I will just end with saying that these so-called "Child-men" do have responsibilities. They have jobs, pay rent, pay car insurance, and the like, but they like to have fun. I don't think it's ok to judge what type of fun their having as long as they leave us "child-women" alone with our type of fun. =)
Sorry that was so long. Irritation gets me going in morning better than coffee.
I think there are lots of people with "issues" because they grew up with so many "should's". You know, "you should treat boys with respect", "you should honor your father and mother", "you should get married before it's too late", etc. Sometimes good examples of anti-social or criminal behavior is pointed out or statistics are quoted showing that the most dangerous element of our society is single young men between 18 and 30.
Those of us who followed the traditional path (college, marriage, kids, career path) feel that it worked for us and we literally can't imagine how another life style would work. After all the Game of Life only had one optional branch - college or not.
More strident conservatives than I are totally convinced that the fiber of a country is the nuclear family (husband, wife, kids) and are scared spitless that that type of family is going or gone. If playing video or network games stops a man from progressing down the path he "should" take, the country is doomed.
I say the jury is still out. I think there are other paths that can be rich and fulfilling that don't involve having children or literally killing yourself in business competition. I think it helps to have a role model who has lived the lifestyle you would like so that you can have some clues about how to make your life successful.
I agree with Melissa. Personally, I have enjoyed reading Steve's Maxim's and though I don't get into the first person shooters, there are video games I enjoy.
People are threatened by that which is unfamiliar. The same thing that fuels fear of other races and same-sex marriage fuels fear of the disintigration of the "traditional" family via Man-Children who don't want to get married and have kids right away.
In the end, I was so irritated by the editorial because it shows a profound lack of insight into the mind of a "Man-Child" (or Woman-Child, of which there are plenty who put off marriage and kids of their own choice). I doubt she ever talked to one. Why are people putting off marriage and kids? Because they watched their parents get divorced or live in an unhappy marriage? Because they saw the stress and hardship suffered by their parents in trying to provide for their children? I think the reasons are far more interesting and valid than just wanting to play XBox all day.
Ok, this article just makes me laugh. I don't know too many of Lisa's friends up north, but if you compare me to Phil, Eric, and Steve, I believe it could be argued that I am the least "man-child" among them, relatively speaking. I'm not trying to be a snob...just stick with me here. My parents raised me with this sort of timeline in mind. I got a college degree, I passed the CPA exam, got a job and started a career with a large bank, blah blah blah. It sounds like I did everything this lady says I should be doing yet I'm also the only one of us guys who has NOT managed to get married yet. They, who are all people that got me into stuff like video games, heavy metal, DnD, and anime, have found wives. Perhaps none of their wives like every last little thing they like, but they've all made it work...and work well I'd say. Now it might also be argued that I am the least attractive of the four of us, but that's a whole different subject. It seems to me that if anyone needs to get with the program, its people like this lady, who throw fire at change instead of adapting to it.
You make an interesting point, Scott, and that raises another valid reason why some 20-somthing men haven't gotten married and popped out kids. Maybe they just haven't found the right woman yet. I mean, so much of the process of meeting someone and getting together is luck. You have to be in the right place at the right time and people can argue that you can do stuff to "put yourself out there" but no matter what dating experts say, it seems to be pretty much come down to luck. You're either lucky and meet a great person, unlucky and you don't, or you meet somebody and get married just for the sake of getting married even though they weren't right. I suspect there's a lot of the latter, given the high divorce rate in this country. Maybe the marriage age is rising because people aren't settling for just anyone anymore... at least, not right away.
What do they say about people that live in garages? That was a low blow, I probably should take that back....
To try and add something of value to the conversation, I heard a discussion about this on NPR. I actually think the person had some interesting points, especially when discussing how the developmental phase of adolescence is expanding...or at the very least, the onset of adulthood is being delayed. This person did not only focus on marriage. It was the "issue" of delaying starting a career, finishing your educational ventures, and yes, the delay of committing to serious relationships.
The person also discussed that the "man-boy" is a huge market, and that industries such as the video game industry benefit from this lack of development in males. I can't say I completely agree with this argument, but I think it is worth looking at how men in particular are almost encouraged to shirk real responsibilities for as long as they can. Now excuse me, I need to go blow up some shit in Biosphere.
I just wonder, for all the discussion, if there is any evidence that the delying of "adulthood" is harmful. I doubt that there is, and I'm sure it's not possible to have data on it for many more years if this is truly a new phenomenon. It's a little silly to freak out about what is probably just a cultural trend, when there is no evidence that it really harms society or the individual child-man.
Delaying adulthood might be dangerous, but delying it has been proven harmless. :)
Finding a life partner is largely about luck, but there are certainly things that make it more likely. Among those are participating in activities where you meet people you would be interested in. Taking the risks to innitiate relationships. Being willing to compromise and accept. (Note neither of these are settling.)
But I think maybe the issue of delayed growing up is that it is a difficult time to break into adulthood. House prices are ridiculous compared to median salaries, jobs are insecure, and the nature of adulthood has changed. Men take more time to settle down because they need more time to prepare (financially, economically, and emotionally). Women are enter the workforce for their own growth and because frankly in blazing the way through life we guys need the help.
I think we simply have a new paradigm that is different from the past. I don't see men as less responsible, just shouldering responsibility at different times and in different ways.
Oh, and Jessica, topologically, politics is actually a manifestation of the Real Projective plane. (How does Lisa get so many comments?)
It's the novelty... people will get tired of me eventually (if that hasn't already occurred).
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