Tax Observations and Gripes

The 2014 return year is/was my 8th tax season. I do taxes year-round, so April 15th does not mark the end of my season. However, things do slow quite a bit after tax day, so while I'm home sick today, I had some time to attempt to polish a gripe-y blog post I wrote last month with this years' reflections.

Disclaimer: This is of course my own anecdotal experience, so draw (or don't) whatever conclusions you wish about the broader population and experience of tax professionals. Do not take my use of "you" as personally attacking any of my loyal readers, it was simply the easiest way to express some of these points.

1. I've discovered the perfect song for driving to work on April 15th: Metallica, "For Whom the Bell Tolls." Realized it this year when it was randomly selected by my shuffled playlist. So perfect.

2. If you ask me how my season has been, I am legally obligated to reply with "taxing" and then chortle at my brilliant joke. 

3. When visiting (which is actually bothering, let's face facts) your tax preparer on or near April 15th, be polite and concise. I am nearing dangerous levels of burnout as 4/15 draws near and have literally a hundred better things to be doing than listening to you whine about your tax burden. 

4. Actually, don't ever whine about your tax burden. Tax rates are, historically speaking, ridiculously low. Seriously, stop complaining. 

5. I've noticed that complainers are never in the top tax bracket. Complainers also don't even know what the top Federal income tax bracket/percentage is (hint: the 15-25% you're paying is not it). 

6. With few exceptions, households who fall in the lower middle class ($40k-$60k here in California) are the most charitable, not just as a percentage of income, but in absolute dollars. Upper middle class households do their best to make me hate them by requiring me to itemize their Goodwill receipts (the only donations they make... which, yes, I judge them for).

7. Do not ask your preparer if they're going on vacation after April 15th. Every single client I talk to during tax season asks this question. I get really tired of answering it, even if I'm excited about my vacation (which won't actually happen until summer, after more of the returns on extension are done).

8. Taxes are complicated and there's a lot of jargon. Don't get pissy with me when I need to discuss things with you a bit to clarify. Pro tip: do not ask if you can "write off" something. That doesn't mean what you think it means. 

9. On a related point, "return" and "refund" are not interchangeable terms. Returns are those reports you turn in to the government stating your income and deductions. Refunds are interest-free loans you give the government when you don't claim the proper number of exemptions on your paychecks, and you receive repayment for once you file your returns. 

10. I detest the clients who think they're tricky. Examples: 

     "Can I write off [Author's note: Grrrrr... see #8 above] the car I gave to my friend?" 

     (um, no, why would the government subsidize that?) 

     "Why do I have to pay all these taxes? I must pay the most of anyone you see! Can't you come up with something?" 

     (um, no, I definitely don't like you enough to commit tax fraud, also see #5 above)

     4:59 pm On April 15th: "Here's my tax information, can you just do it real quick right now?"

     (um, no, I refuse to make your procrastination my problem)

11. Tax preparation is not magic. If you don't like the results a) adjust your exemptions with your employer or pay more in estimates so next year I won't have to hear you whine as much and/or b) contact your legislator. Neither I nor the IRS is responsible for the tax code. That's congress. Complain to them. I'm sure they'd love to hear from you.