Death's Door

You can't avoid loss in life, but when you have pets that experience tends to come around somewhat frequently. Since Steve and I have had rabbits, six have died in our care.

First was Ruby, a rabbit that I brought home from the shelter knowing she was very ill. You could tell she had once been a beautiful rabbit, and was a very gentle and peaceful sort. She was covered in dirt and obviously not well. I brought her home, gave her a shower and took her to the vet. We did our best to make her comfortable and she lasted a few more weeks before dying peacefully. I remember spending the evening before she died sitting on the floor next to her cage, petting her as I studied for my midterms.

The next to go was Bun-Bun. I brought her home from the shelter on the day she was to be euthanized. Her kennel card (the ID card on her cage at the shelter) said that she had been surrendered because "daughter doesn't play with her anymore." She became a companion to our rabbit Johnny. She died after a brief illness.

After that, we lost SweetPea, Johnny and Kuipo. We've had rabbits for eight years, so it's not quite an average of a death per year, but pretty close since we didn't lose anyone that first year.

Our first rabbit is Buster, who we got at eight weeks old in spring of 2003. This past week, we found out that he is dying of cancer. His behavior had changed gradually over the last 6 months, but we had attributed it to his age (eight is pretty old for a large breed rabbit). After a strange growth appeared on his shoulder, I took him to the vet. An x-ray revealed massive spread of small tumors throughout his chest. Cancer is rabbits isn't really worth treating... treatment is extremely hard on them, and the cancer always recurs, in my vet's experience.

So we wait. He could have days, weeks, perhaps a few months. We watch him closely for signs of discomfort. He's on pain medication, but it's obvious he doesn't feel like himself. I suspect he doesn't have long.

I've wondered why I do this to myself. Seeing them suffer and eventually die is difficult to handle, since our rabbits are really an integral part of our life. Especially Buster, our very first rabbit. He was there before we graduated college, before we got married, since we were only 20 years old.

But having the rabbits, and losing them, has done wonders for my character and for Steve's and my relationship. They have made me more responsible and infinitely more patient. They have really softened some of the rough edges. And for Steve and me, seeing how we handle loss has been very instructive. We are able to pull together well and comfort each other. We will all eventually lose important people in our lives, and as painful as it is, I feel that losing pets has been invaluable "practice" for the things we will face in the future.

So, not to be overly depressing or anything... this is just been weighing on me since we found out the situation last Tuesday. Buster is really special and his passing will be the hardest yet. But we get through. After all, there are taxes to do.